Adoption Issues for ME.

I knew the kids might have them one day,

but issues sometimes come up for me, too, I'm discovering.

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This post has been a while in coming…..please bear with me-ok?

A few weeks ago,

I sent a few snapshots via e-mail to our adoption coordinator

(who ROCKS, by the way!)

& asked her to forward them to our lawyer in Guatemala City.

(When we left with our babies,

both times the lawyer asked us to send pics once a year)

Basically our coordinator wrote back saying that since adoptions are closed in GT,

our lawyer is no longer available to send this type of thing through.

She is no longer working with adoptions at all,

& she has left no way for families she helped in the past to get in contact with her again.

& just like that, the door of potential communication slammed shut in my face.

Now, please don’t anyone tell me that continued communication just wasn’t meant to be,

or that their birthmama is better off just not knowing.

As I have told you before, I watch “Adoption Stories.”

I have seen the faces of birthmoms as they place those children in the arms of their new mamas. Their tears rip my heart out every time.

This HAD to have been one of the hardest things our kids’ birthmom ever has done or will do.

I know she knows they are loved & better off here-

but is it really enough for her mama’s heart?

She has given me one of the GREATEST gifts I will ever receive.

Well, actually, they are gifts from God’s hand

(just like Ana, & Dave & any other person in my life)…….

but SHE loved them enough to let go……..

& sending her a picture once a year seemed like such a small thing to give her,

when she has given us so much.

I guess I’m just sad.
Sad for her & the circumstances that led her to have to make such a heart-wrenching decision.

Sad for my kids, who now will most likely never communicate with her.
Sad that she won’t get reassurances once in a while that she did the right thing.
Sad because life has an unexpected way of changing when you least expect it.

Maybe “Mother’s Day” coming up has turned my heart this direction, too.

I don’t know…….have any of the rest of you who have adopted experienced something like this?

Did you learn to accept this shut door?

If so, how?