Our Story.....Part Two..... (for real this time)

Click HERE for part one of the story……

We SLOWLY adjusted to this new life…..called parenting.

I had a rough first few months……

& I remember calling my mom time & time again & asking,

“Why won’t she just QUIT crying????”

(Thank goodness my mom is very level headed-

I guess you’d have to be to raise 5 kids, huh?!?!)

Like I said, I had always known I wanted more than one child

(to this day, my best friends are my siblings)…….

but Dave took some time to reach that point.

(He is an only child……& he loved growing up that way).

Finally, towards the beginning of 2004,

Ana was 2.5 & we thought the time might be right to start trying to have another baby.

(Some of this is review from my other post, I know!)

To our SHOCK, we did not get pregnant right away!

(Remember……we had no trouble the first time!)

You will remember from my first post all the emotional ups & downs this caused for Dave & I.

Then……in August of 2004……..

the good news finally arrived!

Ana was going to be a big sister!!!!

She was so excited,

she started telling people the VERY NIGHT WE FOUND OUT!!!

We thought our trial was over……& honestly, I was relieved.

But, it was not to be.

Our trial was FAR from over.

A month or so into the pregnancy…….

I began spotting.

I knew this wasn’t always bad,

but it often points to something drastically wrong.

This was the case with us.

& so began another roller coaster ride…….

& THIS nightmare-

if it was possible-

was even worse than the infertility nightmare.

The spotting continued on & off…..

until one horrible day in late November of 2004.

The three of us had all gone to my dr’s appointment……

in the hopes that Ana could hear her baby’s heartbeat.

But, they couldn’t find one.

They rushed us all three into the sonogram room…….

& I KNEW it was bad……I just knew.

I knew our baby’s heart wasn’t beating before the dr even said anything.

But, the hardest part was, that Dave & Ana were in the room,

& they were getting all excited about the legs & arms of our tiny miracle.

But, I already knew.

And in one short minute there on the table……

our world came crashing down around us.

Our baby was born the next day……..

& the 24 hours between were filled with WAILING & CRYING out to God,

“Why, oh why, oh why?!?!?”

I tried to hug my stomach & tell that precious child of ours……

"We loved you & we wanted you!”

(Oh, man, the tears are starting to fill my eyes as I type…..)

We named our baby (who Ana insists was a girl, even though it was too young to tell)
“Jesse”-gift from a high place
“Ramah”-from the passage in the Bible in the book of Jeremiah that says:

Thus says the LORD:

“ A voice was heard in Ramah,

Lamentation and bitter weeping,

Rachel weeping for her children,

Refusing to be comforted for her children,

Because they are no more.”

Jeremiah 31:15


To say we were heartbroken…….

doesn’t even begin to describe the emotions we experienced.

But, we had a choice to make.

Were we going to allow bitterness against God to take over?

Or were we going to trust that He was at work in our lives?

Even in the darkness of those horrible days,

Dave & I determined that we would not allow bitterness to even begin to creep in.

The Lord had given us Jesse Ramah to love for a short time…….

but, He HAD entrusted the baby to us…….

The following verse (as well as several others) became a verse I clung to. Matter of fact, the date of our miscarriage is now written on the page next to this verse in my Bible.
You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in Your bottle.

You have recorded each one in Your book.
Psalm 56:8

One of my dear friends even gave me a tiny bottle with this verse-

so that I could be reminded that NOT ONE TEAR of mine goes unnoticed by my Heavenly Father.

Tune in next Tuesday for Part 3!