"Common Ground": my little corner of the blogosphere where I talk (a lot-wink) about the things that matter most to me: My relationship with my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, homeschooling, adoption, homemaking, parenting, "spousing." (yeah, yeah....I know that's not a word.....I made it up-it’s my blog-I can do things like that! Ha!)

Since my life isn’t all that different from yours, hopefully we can find some COMMON GROUND & learn from each other. Please share your thoughts!

Through the Lords’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness!
Lam. 3: 22 & 23

Click on pics to see us up close & personal! :)

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Please bear w/ me.....Yes, yet another post.....but this is one I have wanted to get off my brain for a while.

WARNING.......VERY LONG... Also, may need your kleenex!!

I have a few thoughts that have been dancing around in my brain. This is long, but it will help me to think it through.

Norma Patricia ******* ********. This name might not mean much to you, but…..

She is our Guatemaltco’s BirthMother

When our Foster Mother was dropping Nathaniel off for the week w/ us, we spent about 4 hours together-first in the hotel restaurant, & then in the hotel lobby.

Ana & her granddaughter (Paula-age 5) spent most of that time playing together-in spite of the language difference. Picture Ana running around saying, “Ven aqui, Paula!” which basically means, “Come here, Paula!” This is about all the real communicating there was…..but they sure ran around looking very agenda oriented!! But…I digress….back to the real story.

A few times while we visited-(me in my broken Spanish & her in her broken English-her daughter trying to help -& Dave just kind of listening & following Ana & Paula around), her cell would ring. This is not un-usual, but there in Guate, cells are about the only reliable phone service, so people are CONSTANLY on the phone.

Once, the phone rang, & I noticed a difference in Mama Anna’s tone. She started to get a bit emotional, turned to me & said, “Es Norma. Es la mama de los ninos.” If you don’t know Spanish, she was telling me that is was the babies Birthmother!!!

Wow! I literally was glad I wasn’t standing up!! I felt myself go weak. It took me a bit to even be able to figure out words to tell Dave what was going on.

Then….(I have to insert here-I’m so glad I can understand Spanish)…I heard her start to talk about how she was sad that Norma couldn’t be there w/ us to see the LOVE Ruth has had showered on her this past year. (Our children’s Birth Mother was in a terrible car accident right before Natty was born & is still on crutches & un-able to get around easily-almost 4 mo. later-thus she couldn’t be there). I HAD NO IDEA her coming had even been a possibility.

She told her that Ruth & Ana were beautiful & delightful.

She told me that Norma wanted to communicate how THANKFUL she was to us for taking two of her children. Many times, Mama Anna repeated this to us.

I was SO frustrated. All I could say, through Mama Anna & through my choking up throat was please tell her, “Gracias, tambien. Tus ninos son un regalo de Dios para nuestra familia!” In English-“Thank-you. Your children are a gift from God for our family.”

So much more to say to each other…….but no words really in English or Spanish. How do I tell her what a blessing Ruth has been, & I know Nathaniel will be? Ruth, whose name means “satisfaction” has helped heal hearts torn apart w/ grief over our child who we never saw open her eyes. Oh, my…tearing up!!!

We two mothers are forever united…..her because she loved enough to let go

And me….because God led us to each other & blessed our family w/ her offspring.


Some of you may ask:

Did that contact bother you?

No!!!! Not at all! Actually, Dave & I always wondered what we would do-search for birth family for them, maintain contact, or just leave it the way it has been….knowing very little about their Birth Family.

But, we realized, when presented w/ the opportunity, we were actually disappointed she didn’t come. Just to be able to tell her in person, “Thank-you!” Watch her reactions to seeing Ruth toddling around trying to keep up w/ Ana. Hug her myself , most likely cry together…..her for what she is missing & me for the JOY she has brought to my life!!! Tears of happiness & sadness, mingled together.

Are you threatened by her contact?

Again, a resounding NO!!!

She has already placed one child before making an adoption plan for Ruth. I KNOW she KNOWS what she’s doing….out of love, choosing a better life for her children.

Guatemalans who choose this route for their children are very strong people. She knows that once she makes this decision, (& signs off on it the required 4 times throughout the adoption process) she will most likely NEVER see them or have contact w/ them again. Imagine the pain of that decision. But, she’s done it twice now, & Nathaniel will be the third time.

How could I have been anything but thrilled for her if she gets to see for her own eyes that her babies are loved & provided for?

Also, along w/ that…..I know my children will always know who their “real” parents are. She is “connected” to them forever, but we are the ones that will teach them to walk, rock them when they cry, feed them, listen to their first words, teach them about our Savior, Jesus Christ, & watch all those milestones. Just like we have done w/ Ana Eventually,….we hope to raise adults that love & honor the Lord Jesus & have a close relationship w/ us & their siblings. . That is what makes a family…..not blood. But love….1 Cor. 13! “The greatest of these is love.” (By the way….I do not mean to minimize her part in this at all-w/ out her…..we would still just be a family of three-& we would never have had the blessing of hearts enter-twined as they now are.)

Reminded me again that children are just a blessing from the Lord, on loan to us for a short time. God drew the two of us together-a woman from Colorado Springs & a brave woman from Guatemala, raising 3 children in absolute poverty. In the short 5 min. or so she was on the phone, I was CHANGED FOREVER!!! I HAD been going through this adoption process w/out much thought for her (mostly bec., I haven’t had TIME to just sit & contemplate it!!!!!). But….no longer. Now, I see the world more through her eyes, & am forever grateful she made the decision she has made.

Am I sorry we didn’t meet?

YES!!! But,…..like so many other times in this adoption process, I am trusting that God has His hands on us, & KNEW what would be right for that day, & those circumstances.

Praying that if we don’t meet here on earth, one day I can thank her in heaven…..when we will all speak the same language, & in that PERFECT environment, I WILL have the words to say.

It’s not enough…..but “Thank –you, Norma!” y “Muchas gracias!” I am SO BLESSED by your presence in my life!

ETA: Just wondering.....what would you have done? Anything different? I would really like some advice here...the whole experience was so unexpected.....


Christina said...

Wow, the tears are flowing. What an awesome time that must of been to have her call while visiting.
I also am adopted and I often wonder how it would feel to have contact with my birthmother as well as to have contact with Aiden's.

Katie said...

What a incredible experience for you !!

Amy said...

What an amazing experience for you. I'm not sure if I would have done anything differently. I have asked to meet our girls birthmom when we go to pick up in a few weeks. So far, she has agreed. Do I know what I will say to her? No. Do I pray God gives me the words? Daily. I just want her to know how much we love her girls and would do anything for them. Thanks for commenting on my blog and leaving your blog. I'll keep following your journey!!! God Bless!!!

Rachel said...

That was so touching...what a wonderful gift adoption is!

Kim & Dave said...

Thanks, Rachel.

Nice to "hear" from you...

Anonymous said...

Jan Hollingsworth sent me your blog. I'm from Dallas, and our moms were best friends. We adopted 2 Guatemalan children, now 15 & 16, and this summer went on a Compassion tour to meet our sponsored kids, see our homeland, and some spots of Susanna's birth story. Seeing your pictures, I want to go back--today! When I said in broken Spanish: my children (and they'd look at my funny), born in Guatemala, we adopted, we visit their country. We love Guatemala--we received red carpet treatment. The people were so grateful that we loved our children's heritage. I encourage you to sponsor children your kids' ages--wonderful experience. My heart was one with yours in hearing your birth mother contact. We will never have that. We had hoped to meet Susanna's foster mother--but she was away for the first time in her life. All in God's hands. We rejoice with you in God's precious gifts to your family. Kay lewis

Kim & Dave said...

Kay, Jan told me about you guys!

I am so glad she told you about our blog.

I, too, have fallen in love w/ Guatemala & it's people.

Everyone we have met has showered love on every member of our family, & we are forever grateful that the Lord allowed this blessing in our lives.

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